Thursday, November 3, 2011

This will not be a happy bunny cheerful post, because I'm all out of sunshine and rainbows, and really just want to go curl up in a corner somewhere until everything is over.   You've been warned.

Still no baby, and I am really freaking miserable.  I hurt, and my legs are knotted from the back of my buttocks to my ankles, and swollen on top of it.  Baby is stalled right now, and because of all the debates about my due date, nothing is going to happen.  In the meantime, I can't go back to work, because my legs and feet are so swollen and painful that I can't stand or walk around for long periods of time.  I'm going to try an Epsom Salts bath today (if I can find my Epsoms) and see if I can get some of the fluid retention out.

Had to go to U of L last night to be checked, and I wasn't exactly thrilled.  While not as bad as Natalie, they passed me off to a couple of residents who pretty much irritated me more than anything else.  They also tried to give me drugs immediately, as though that was a necessity- because I said I'd had a bit of a headache and nausea/queasiness all day.  One of the drugs they were going to give me was Zofran, and the other I want to say was Dilauid?  The Zofran was for nausea, the D-Whatever was for the headache.  I refused both and I think they were surprised.  What part of- I don't take anything that isn't absolutely necessary do they not get?

Irony- my back is spasming periodically from the combination of weight, stress and contractions.  The nurse said "we can give you some Flexiril- that will help with the back pain."  I just shook my head and wanted to laugh.  The baby's heart rate kept dropping at random from 130s to low hundreds, and they told me that's normal.  Scary as hell however, to hear a nice steady rolling rhythm, that all of a sudden stutters and drops.

On top of that, the BF has been an ass for the last few days.  Everyone has told him he is being a sulky, broody, pouting PITA and he just insists that he is NOT!  *insert foot stomp here*  I am out of patience or tolerance.  He doesn't understand that he makes me tense, angry and nervous with his damn hovering and pushiness and snapping at my kids (which if he doesn't leave them the fuck alone for the next few days, I am going to kick his ass).  My friend (TSP) who has been staying with me so I'm not just curled in a ball on the couch crying- she makes me happy and keeps me laughing.  She plays with me and lets me do my thing.  She's kinda like Sarah, lite.

But she's not Sarah, and honestly- I wish I was in NY right now with Sarah, Queen Mother of Ta-Tas instead.  Because she's awesome, and gets me, and understands that the whole "I am internalizing X amount of pain and covering it up with humor, hyperactivity and snarky goodness- please either participate or go nap in a corner" mindset I have in the last stages of this annoying bitch of a thing called pregnancy.  TSP gets that, but Sarah has the added advantage of fifteen years of dealing with me at my absolute worst. 

If this baby doesn't get moving soon, I'm going to simply crawl in the closet and wait for Sarah to be able to come down.  I think I need the closest thing to a real family I have left.  I'm depressed, frustrated, in discomfort pretty much constantly- and I just need it all to stop.


  1. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and have everything happen pouf!
    I can't, though, and all I can do is send you supporting thoughts, and internet hugs from the other side of the world.

  2. I'm here if you need to/want to talk.